Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
