this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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