If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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