i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
