can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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