Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think weed is turning my hair brown
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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