The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
