Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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