I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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