John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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