it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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