I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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