so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
