Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
