A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
too bad you live with your parents still
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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