So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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