oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i believe in u and ur pee
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
