Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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