he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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