Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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