Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
