it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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