PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
