Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize