My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
