just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize