I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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