I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
