so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
