I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
