I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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