a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well you can't waste a boner
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
