can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
