I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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