Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
