Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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