come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize