a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
