i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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