No stitches, just platelets and will power
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
as a side note pls kill me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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