did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
