Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
