well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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