I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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