Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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