this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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