Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
