don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
