All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
