Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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