I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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