My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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