im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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