I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
