I understand Curling. That high.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
