She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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