if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
