dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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