she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
