so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
