take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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