I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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