Soap is not a condiment
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
