Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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