You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Porn is love you can see.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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