also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
