someone get that fucking seahorse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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