Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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