Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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