...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
