Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
