haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
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