So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
