Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ttyl tear gas
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
