how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
