she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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