somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
