What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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