i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize