Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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