Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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