wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize