she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
